I’ve cried two days in a row.
Call it stress, repressed nerves, or too much time to think, but I think at this point I can say that I’m not handling my post-Ohio life and current unemployment all too well.
This isn’t to say that Austin is terrible. Really, this has nothing to do with my new city. Truth be told, I haven’t had much time or energy to appreciate or explore this vast and compelling new home.
I’ve been too busy beating myself up over not having a job yet; too worried about how we’re going to pay the bills. I hate to focus on these things, especially when the important thing right now is that Rachel makes it through school and this new calling.
I can’t help but be a little selfish, wishing I could somehow pull a dream job out of my pocket and live fabulously in the Southwest. Maybe the problem is that I am too enamored with what I think is an exceptional portfolio.
I go back and forth. Some days, I think my writing is worth its weight in gold. Other days, like recently, I just assume I’m never going to get a real writing gig and that my print writing experience means nothing.
That’s when I come back around to thinking on bills. And money. And bills and money.
I’ve thought about my options. More than a few people have suggested I go the Patreon route and crowdsource some income, but I think it’s a pride thing that keeps me from going that route. I’m not sure my ego could handle nobody giving me money for my work. More to the point, am I so vain to think that my work is so revolutionary that I can request money?
Maybe. My opinion on my own work changes from day to day. The past few nights haven’t been a good time to question my own quality, but on a good day I’d like to think I’ve written quality stuff.
Pitch rejections: They tend to kill your confidence.
Yet, things are going to be okay. I still have Rachel, who, somehow has all the confidence in the world in me. I have my friends, even if they aren’t here; same goes for my family.
For now, I’m playing World of Warcraft for an upcoming freelance piece and trying to take it all a day at a time. Rachel and I are in the process of putting together a podcast, and I won’t sleep until I have a job I’m proud of.
Until that time, expect to see more daily content on Backlog, and maybe a visual change to the site if I can convince someone with more expertise than myself to lend a helping hand.
Everything is alright, yeah everything is alright.