I’m just going to put this out there so no one gets the wrong idea: I’m a spoiler addict.
I hate not knowing everything there is to know about my favorite media because I want to be able to analyze the story from different angles, even before the credits stop rolling.
I don’t mind missing out on the big surprises.
That is, I think, the biggest difference between myself and most other people; I seek out spoilers on my own from outlets that always are upfront about the fact that they’re dealing in spoilers. Its always my choice. That can’t be said for the anonymous jerks who ruin the fun for everyone else.
We’ve coined the term “media blackout” for a reason.
This year, with several major franchises releasing top-rated and top-selling installments on both the big and small screens, it seems we the audience have to do this more and more often to preserve our suspense and our sanity. There are tons of spoilers out there, sometimes even with the expressed authorization of the creators. That’s led to a frenzy of speculation and theorizing as to where some of our favorite programs are going to go.
That said, five specific spoilers stood out as the biggest fun-ruiners of 2015, from least aggravating to foot-through-the-computer-screen rage inducing if found too early:
If you’re the type to get huffy about spoilers and the discussion thereof, you lose all rights to complain after this point.
Here there be spoilers—Read at your own risk.
5. The Big Bang Theory: Sheldon and Amy Do the Deed
It’s rather ironic that the first entry on this list ties into another due to the episode’s subject matter. Juxtaposed against the rest of the gang going to see the midnight showing of Star Wars: Episode 7; Sheldon Cooper, after a bit of prodding, decides to spend the day with his recently on-again girlfriend Amy Farrah Fowler, as the film premieres on her birthday.
He decides that the best possible present, in true Sheldon fashion, is to give Amy something she’s been desperate for since her debut, it seems: coitus. Yes, he uses that word. This spoiler is probably the least deflating on the list, as CBS had advertised the momentous occasion for weeks prior to the episode’s airing.
By the time the couple is basking in the afterglow — as their friends do the same in the movie theater — anyone who missed that this was coming probably was living under a rock.
4. Game of Thrones: Jon Snow’s (Probably) Not Yet Dead
The final shot of the HBO series’ fifth season–Jon Snow lying in a pool of blood after being stabbed by his own men–sent the non-book fandom into a tailspin not seen since the Red Wedding. Then, a curious thing happened: months later, a promotional poster popped up for season 6 depicting the bloodied face of the supposedly slain hero.
The series has never done this for any other departed character, so why start now? Did Jon manage to find Miracle Max?
George R. R. Martin himself has teased that Jon’s fate isn’t what it seems since the release of A Dance with Dragons (“You think he’s dead, do you?”). HBO killing the suspense to get viewers to tune in is a bit irritating for book fans, who’ve been waiting since 2011 for this resolution, but it’s not the end of the world.
3. Once Upon a Time: The Cast Pulls an Orpheus
At the end of season 5A of the ABC hit, Emma Swan descends into the Underworld to retrieve Captain Hook, whom Mr. Gold forced her to kill. Various news articles have reported that several characters will be returning to the series as denizens of Hades’ domain—Charming’s twin brother, Peter Pan, and Cora among them. But the biggest surprise revealed was the casting of Hercules, Meg, and the Lord of the Underworld himself.
The creators’ semi-loose lips have let a lot slip, so the 100th episode may not hold a shocking moment other than whether or not Emma’s quest resolves the same way.
If so, beware of a Captain Swan storm the likes of which fandom has never seen. Don’t look back, Emma, for all our sakes.
2. Avengers: Age of Ultron: Quicksilver’s Last Run
As one of the most anticipated films of 2015, Age of Ultron had people speculating about major plot points before filming had even completed.
Close to the release date, it wasn’t uncommon to see random comments on YouTube trailers and Reddit posts plastering Quicksilver’s fate everywhere. They were proven right when Pietro Maximoff sacrificed himself to protect Hawkeye in the climactic showdown with Ultron.
Afterwards, the level of fan rage against spoilers could have incinerated Ultron on the spot. Why care about him if you know he’s going to bite it before the end of the movie, right? Hopefully, Infinity War fixes this, as Pietro had potential.
1.Star Wars: The Force Awakens: Kylo Ren + Han Solo = Tears
The lead-up to the first installment of the new Star Wars trilogy was everything a fan could want—with the exception of some very mean people deliberately spoiling both Han Solo’s connection to new villain Kylo Ren and his death at Ren’s hands.
Even the owner of this blog got spoiled by a malicious Redditor.
(Editor’s note: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.jpg”)
Finding out early that Han’s own son is his killer sucks much of the pathos out of the movie, though it still hurt to see Ben Solo falling completely to darkness as surely as Han’s body plummeting off that catwalk.
He may return in flashbacks but the fan favorite’s demise really should have been the shock it deserved to be.
Jen Obertacz is a rabid Finn Balor fan in addition to possessing two Master’s degrees and living in the Toledo area. She can be reached “On The Twitter” or at BackLogAdventures@Gmail.Com.